Dear Harry
by elven-princess88
Summary: Set in OotP, after Snape's Worst Memory. Sirius knows that working in Order is a dangerous business. Anyone could be killed at anytime, and he can't risk that happening before Harry knows the truth. So he writes his godson a letter.


Dear Harry,  
  
This is a little awkward for me to write, but I have to tell you these things. I need to. If you're reading this, I guess that means that I'm dead. Either that, or someone's playing a really nasty joke on me. Being in the Order's a dangerous business, Harry, and I'm betting that I won't have been the first one to go, or the last. I'm not just writing this to be incredibly morbid either. There are some things that you need to know, especially after what you saw in Snape's pensive. It's hard for me to talk about feelings, twelve years in Azkaban will do that to you, but I need to make an exception just this once.  
  
I've never really had a family. My relatives were almost all pureblood obsessives, and I suppose a fair few of them were Death Eaters. The only sort of family I ever had were the Marauders, and now one's dead, one's a betrayer, and one's Remus, so there's not much hope there. But ever since I left Azkaban, I've felt like I had something, because you're my family Harry. I don't care what Molly or anybody else says, you're the reason I've done everything I have since leaving Azkaban, and I just hope that you have at least similar feelings towards me. I really hope so, because you're pretty much all I have.  
  
The main reason I wanted to write this to you was to tell you about your father. I'm sorry that the only time you ever saw him had to be when he was doing something so horrible, but you can't judge a person on one event. It's true that James and I were mean to Snape, but he was equally mean to us. You know yourself, from your own rivalries with the Slytherins, that sometimes these things can get a bit out of hand. That doesn't excuse what he did, but maybe it'll put it in perspective for you. Remember, when one of my pranks on Snape got out of hand, James was there to stop it, and he put his own life at risk to help him.  
  
He was definitely a mischief maker, no doubt about that, but he somehow still managed to get top marks in everything. That, mixed in with his obvious talent on the Quidditch pitch, obviously made him very popular. I don't know whether you know this or not, Harry, but he played as Chaser, and he was the Quidditch Captain in our Seventh Year. You must be destined to be the Captain too, because you play even better than your father, if that's possible. Maybe talent increases down the generations.  
  
You remind me of James every time I look at you. I won't mention the part about your mother's eyes, because you must be sick of hearing that by now. I really do see James in everything you do, and that's the highest compliment you could get. Well, coming from me it is anyway. Maybe not coming from Snape.  
  
I suppose now I'd better deal with the small problem of me being dead. I'm leaving most of the Black fortune to Moony, seeing as he needs it a bit more than you do at the moment, but you get everything else. The house, the rest of the money, Buckbeak, even my motorbike. Ask Hagrid to teach you how to ride it. I doubt that you remember your first ride on it, but it comes in handy. At least, it does when your mother isn't yelling at me for taking her baby son out for a ride without telling her.  
  
I know this isn't a proper will, but it'll be good enough for Dumbledore. Nobody else's opinion matters, especially since I'm still on the run. Apparently, they don't let escaped convicts make wills. That's unjust discrimination, if you ask me.  
  
Now, if there's one thing I know about you, Harry, it's that you take guilt very seriously. So I'm telling you now - whatever might have happened to cause you having to read this letter, it was not your fault, understand? Not. Your. Fault. I know you would never do anything to hurt anyone, but you still take the blame of every casualty on personally. We're in the middle of a war, and bad things are bound to happen. If you blame yourself for every one of them, you'll never be happy. So please don't blame yourself for this, or anything else. You have more than enough to worry about.  
  
So I suppose this is goodbye. Take good care of yourself, and make sure you don't let things get you down too much. I'm naming Remus as your official guardian, so behave for him, and argue as much as you can against Dumbledore making you stay with the Muggles. I say you're staying with Remus, and he can't go against the wishes of a dead man, now, can he?  
  
See you soon,  
  
Sirius  
  
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Sirius put down his quill, then picked up the parchment to read over what he had written. When he had finished, he made a noise of disgust. It sounded so stupid! He wanted to express his feelings for his godson in a way that seemed real, not in the strange, mentally challenged way he had written there. The only problem was that he wasn't the most talented in the world when it came to expressing his feelings, and writing them down was even worse. It was obvious what he had to do. He would have to tell Harry in person.  
  
The more Sirius thought about it, the more it made sense. It would definitely be an awkward conversation to have, but in the end, it would be worth it. Harry really needed to know all of this, and telling him in person was the best way of expressing it.  
  
His mind made up, Sirius crumpled up the parchment, and threw it onto the fire. There was no need to keep that embarrassing composition around. Who knew who might read it? As the fire ate away at his final message, Sirius smiled. The next time he saw Harry, he would tell him everything.  
  
Nothing could stand in the way of that.  
  
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A/N: That was the first fic I've ever written that didn't have a 'ship in it, so it was quite a different experience for me. In fact, the whole idea of writing a letter as a fic was different for me, so please, please, read and review and tell me what you think. And please be as honest and as critical as you can! Thank you! 


End file.
